Monday 7 June 2010

Spot the (sports) story . . .

IT always comes as a shock to beancounters when negotiations with editors over World Cup or Olympics travel budgets founder on the same rocky argument.
“But you’re sending a team from the sports desk AND a team from the news desk,” wails the Man in the Pin-stripe Suit. “Surely it’s a sports story and can be covered by sports writers?”
“Not so,” replies the editor. “The sports writers will simply cover the sport.”
“Perfect!” yells the frantic money manager. “You’ll get what you want and we’ll save half the costs.”
“Afraid not, old boy,” says old smoothie-chops. “What we will GET is the organisers’ PR . . . what we will MISS are the bust-ups, the drugs scandals, the misbehaving WAGs and the drunken orgies.”
Mahogany Row sees sense in the end, of course: they agree to half the budget you asked and, as your application was for double the amount required, honours are even.
The Triesman Affair, on the other hand, was what one infamous Sun editor would have called “a reverse ferret”. The Mail on Sunday sting that ousted the noble Labour Lord from his chairmanships of the Football Association and of England’s team bidding to host the 2018 World Cup was a rather tawdry kiss and tell, obtained by means of a recording device hidden upon the person of a self-styled ex-girlfriend.
Now, if an editor is prepared to sidestep the tenth commandment of the PCC’s Code of Practice (Thou shalt not “seek to obtain or publish material acquired by using clandestine listening devices”) then we might at least expect a little more than a one-sided account of the old guy’s snogability in the back of a Wembley passion wagon.
Because, as one of Britain’s best investigative reporters yelled down the phone at me, “That was NOT the story!”
Since we worked together on the Express in Manchester in the Seventies, Andrew Jennings has spent forty years as an investigative reporter and documentary film maker. He’s a Panorama reporter now, with a string of glittering prizes including a Royal Television Society Award for his Channel Four investigation into Olympic corruption. That said, Jennings prefers to boast of the six-year ban imposed by a vengeful IOC and the current ‘freeze’ he’s suffering in dealings with FIFA President Sepp Blatter.
In other words, he’s a man worth listening to. So I listened.
“There’s something funny about this whole episode,” he began. “Stings are definitely an in-house, DIY operation. You don’t trust amateurs. You would NEVER ‘buy in’ a sting, that’s not something we’d ever do at Panorama.
“If an alleged ex-lover came to you with a tape you’ve got three choices: turn her away, turn her over or toss her a fee and investigate the allegations yourself with your own people.
“You trust your own staff, your fake sheikh or whoever. What you need is an experienced team that can get the story and who know what to do if and when it goes pear-shaped.”
Unsurprisingly, the MoS was letting its scoop do the talking: “he might think that but we couldn’t possibly comment”, was the official response from Peter Wright and his triumphant crew. But in Derry Street’s nearby watering holes journos shrugged off criticism of their tradecraft.
As they see it, this was a case of a slighted old flame getting lucky: she records the conversation to prove their relationship and, in the process, the head of the FA and World Cup bid badmouths the Russian and Spanish FA.
Kerr-CHING! It’s jackpot time.
To be fair to Wrighty and his team, the MoS did follow up their scoop a week later with a spread on bribery at the top of the international game.
Meanwhile, Jennings dismisses the scorn sports writers poured on Triesman’s claim that Russia might be prepared to help Spain pay off referees in the 2014 Wold Cup in exchange for Spain supporting Russia’s bid in 2018.
“Vladimir Putin is determined to stage the World Cup. It’s like a Big Willy contest with other world leaders but the difference is he’ll put money behind it. He won’t just go the extra mile; he’ll do a global circuit.
“He’s already won the 2014 Winter Olympics for Russia [at Sochi, a Black Sea resort] and now he wants the World Cup in 2018.”
Jennings is irrepressibly confident that there really is a big story behind the Triesman tittle-tattle. “I talk virtually every day with fellow journos, ‘football blazers’ and spooks,” he says. “This sort of talk comes up all the time.
“Too many sports journalists say nothing, afraid that if they spill the beans they’ll ‘lose access’. I’d warn them to produce or they’d lose their bloody jobs!
“It is utterly hypocritical of these self-regarding reporters to utter faux rage over Triesman's comments when such allegations are common currency in every press box, every bar and wherever a hack meets another hack, inquiry agent or football official.”
Strong stuff! But I commend to you the Jennings unrelenting output which so enrages the sporting Establishment.
It can be found on the maverick award investigator’s website at www.transparencyinsport.org.


I CAN’T help feeling that Murdochs père et fils have a hit list of enemies they’re working through in alphabetical order: having done their best to blitz the Barclay Brothers and bombard the BBC they’re now aiming their bile at the British Library.
Young James’s attack on the Library’s plan to digitise and make available behind an online paywall three centuries of Britain’s national newspaper collection is surely both outrageous and – in the widest sense of the word – antisocial.
One cannot copyright history, which is what news becomes almost before it reaches the breakfast table; even literary and musical masterpieces eventually pass into the public domain.
If the public’s right to access library-stored information cuts across the Murdochs’ quite reasonable determination to charge for their newsgathering investment then the answer must be some form of statute of limitations.
Let News charge for today’s Times and twelve months of archive access. After that, log on to the Library.
First published (well, MOST of it) in the Press Gazette, June 2010



Why don't toffs 'get' public transport?

PUBLIC transport has been a battleground for politicians since Boadicea drove a cart and horses through the Romans.
Berwick’s MP, Sir Alan Beith, is currently pursuing Northumberland’s transport department to find out why our local taxpayer-subsidised bus company increased fares and cut timetables a month ago without any local consultation or even notification (we only became aware of the changes when buses failed to appear!).
Down south, ‘Red’ Ken Livingstone has launched a campaign to regain the mayoralty of London from Boris ‘The Blonde Bombshell’ Johnson, citing bus fares as The Big Issue (up thirty per cent since Boris took the wheel, though still a damn sight cheaper than Northumberland’s).
Both should be wary, though: climbing on the bus bandwagon has stalled many a promising political career.
Legend has it that Thatcher Cabinet Minister Nicholas Ridley’s attempts to get matey during a visit to a Newcastle bus garage ended in failure when he asked the drivers if they took their buses home at the end of a shift.
Similarly, in 1923 the Conservative Party had to choose between Lord Curzon and Stanley Baldwin and a colleague advised the noble lord to “get closer to the people by taking a ride on a London omnibus“. The intrepid Curzon, former viceroy of India, fluffed the mission.
When asked by the conductor, "Where to, guv?", he replied: "42 Berkeley Square, please".


WHO’D be a journalist? You’re damned if you do and dumb if you don’t.
Last week, to spare a child’s grief by reporting the death by drowning of her pet hamster, I carefully changed the names of all involved - hamster, child and her mother - just in case the little girl was upset to discover her furry friend had met its end by falling into the toilet bowl.
The Press Complaints Commission might be impressed by my gentlemanly journalism, but I need not have bothered. Wee Emily, our egg collector, saw through the subterfuge straight away and is now touring Tillside asking how anyone can trust anything a journalist writes when he can’t even get a hamster’s name right!


THE henhoose is all a-flutter, like High Noon when the midday train is due to arrive. And cowering in his coop is Rocky the Cowardly Rooster.
Rocky has been a poor replacement for our agri-business’s original team leader: where the late Jock the Cock bossed and bullied hen and human alike -- he never gave up an egg to Wee Emily without a fight -- Rocky was henpecked from Day One. And now that word is round the hen run that a cockerel thief is stalking the village he’s barely visible.
Two fighting cocks have already fallen victim to the menace that haunts Ford village: John at the Lodge and Roy the Gardener have both seen their ‘hen-forcers’ snatched in moonlit raids, never again to call the faithful to their nest boxes with a cacophony of dawn choruses.
It’s unlikely to be a fox. After all, why take on the fighting cock when not a single hen has been harmed?
So Rocky is quaking in his corn bin at the thought that he might be the Cockerel Catcher‘s next victim. Watch this space . . .


MY toughest assignment since being boss at the Daily Mirror? The job I’m doing this month, editing BOG News, a quarterly magazine distributed to members of Borders Organic Gardeners.
I’m guesting in the hot seat while the newsletter’s esteemed editor, Robert Latham, is away and it‘s a hard row to hoe: planting parsnips replaces Page Three girls, tips on composting instead of kiss-and-tell tales . . . I am out of my depth.
One old tabloid habit dies hard, however: the pun. An article on potato growing across the Channel is introduced under the headline ‘Jacques Tattie’s French Collection’!
I don’t think BOG will ask me back . . .
First published in The Journal, Newcastle upon Tyne, June 4 2009

Why hamsters need toilet training

SNUGGLES (not her real name) is, or, rather, WAS a hamster, as I discovered from her obituary on the internet social site Facebook.
My friend Alison (again, tediously, not her real name for reasons which will shortly become clear) had written: “Snuggles escaped again last night, but sadly one adventure too many: I've just found her floating in the downstairs toilet. Have hidden her in the shed as Charlotte has friends coming for tea tonight before Cubs. . .trauma!”
What is it with furry creatures and water? When my children were small a neighbour found them and some friends playing happily in her kitchen while what looked like a rat crouched in a corner beside the dishwasher.
Quick as a flash, Ruth scooped up her dustpan, felled the creature with one blow and raced down the hall to the bathroom where she deposited the flattened corpse in the toilet and flushed it away.
Minutes later a second neighbour appeared at her door with a weeping child in tow.
“Ruth!” she screeched, beseechingly. “Tell me you haven’t done what Simon says you’ve done to his pet gerbil!”
Anyway, back to Facebook, which is where I seem to get all my bad news these days. Having shed a tear for Snuggles I then find a former News of the World editor friend of mine – whom I haven’t been able to contact since she disappeared a month ago, SUPPOSEDLY to write chapter six of our joint newspaper novel – sharing grubby jokes online with the Sun’s ex-Royal reporter!
Frankly, it feels like infidelity.


THE Outlaw is back in the village so I’ve left home and moved in with her while the missus is away.
It’s not as bad as it sounds: the Outlaw is Gemma’s mother, who’s just spent a month in .hospital having her broken hip pinned and has been allowed home while Gemma is in Provence following the Andy Goldsworthy sculpture trail (she said if I mentioned Goldsworthy ‘cultural types’ would understand).
They’re a pair of one-offs, the Outlaw and ’Er Indoors, if that isn’t too much of a contradiction. “While you’re here you can set up my new computer,” growled the Outlaw.
Yes, at 94 and (only temporarily) slowed by a healing hip she’s bought a whizzy new computer set-up to keep in touch with children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren across the world.
Truly, a woman batting towards her first century and a whizz-kid a heart!


WERE you surprised that Sarah Ferguson was recorded asking for half a million quid in exchange for an introduction to her ex-husband, the Duke of York? I can’t say I was.
That’s the way people in public life behave nowadays. It’s only six weeks since three Labour Cabinet Ministers were taped by Channel Four as they negotiated fees for introductions and lobbying services. Would that have been for what they knew or for WHO they knew?
Ken Clarke wasn’t long out of government in 1998 when he gratefully accepted the deputy chairmanship of British American Tobacco, a company accused of using dubious strategies to promote its products in Third World countries.
Would that have been because he was a QC and a celebrated cigar smoker? Or because he knew the right flesh to press?
And Tony Blair? Don’t get me started on Britain’s newest multi-millionaire. He’s not content with his peacekeeping role in the Middle East, his seven-figure consultancy salary from the Wall Street bank JP Morgan Chase and his £400,000 an hour speeches on the international lecture circuit.
Now he is to lend his expertise and his ‘global relationships’ to Khosla Ventures, a Silicon Valle technology company. For love or for money? “Not pro bono,” he told the Wall Street Journal.
And we’re worried about Fergie?

First published in The Journal, Newcastle upon Tyne, May 28 2009